I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
