Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
