Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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