My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
