You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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