I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
