My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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