He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
