I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
