Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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