Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she smelled like a LAN party
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
