Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
