Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
