his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
