there's paper in my vomit.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
