I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
