i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
how does that bad decision feel?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
