I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
