The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
