Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
