When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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