My hand turned me down
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
