Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
