I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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