Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
