i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
