HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
