i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just threw up on my dentist
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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