I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
