Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
