***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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