Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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