He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
