My first STD was from a foam party
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Dicks are not precious.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
