is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
