I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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