I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Pants are for mortals
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
