On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
