I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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