You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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