Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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