there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
