I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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