I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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