summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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