wanna go halves on a baby?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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