Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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