All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
