Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
