Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
