I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
