How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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