Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
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